Thank You For The Lessons

This is for those who have experienced traumatic events. This is for those who live with a constant battle in their mind. This is for those who feel exhausted, drained, beat to the core. STOP! For a moment stop. Stop what you are doing and breathe. Did you try it? Did it work? Probably not right? But, it’s the effort that counts. We all have a story, a background, a history, and we all react and grow from it differently. But, here you are fighting every day for a better life, a better day, or even a better week, you are fighting. So, what’s happened to us? Well I know what I have been through and I will share, because I want you to know you aren’t alone, or crazy, or broken.

I have shared some of my background. I have shared in a sense I am a survivor of abuse. Verbal and physical. I was young when the abuse began. First encounter was school age, I was bullied a lot for how I looked. My surgery scar was unappealing to those around me and how I dressed made everyone feel like they could attack me. Almost as if I had a target on the top of my forehead. Between “sibling rivalry”, and school age kids you could say I got teased A LOT! I want to say thank you. Thank you to all of my bullies, you put me through quite the ringer. You judged me without knowing me, without making the effort to understand me, or even ask me how I got that unappealing scar. Did you know that scar represents life? My life? Because of this scar it means I survived through something your mind couldn’t possibly comprehend. I thank you for putting me through so much, it’s because of you I am tough. It’s because of you I learned not all friendly faces can be trusted. I thank you because even to this day I am still learning and discovering my inner beauty. Something, you weren’t willing to help me find. If you have experienced this, know you are beautiful. Cliche, I know but you are beautiful inside and out and no one can ever take that from you.

To those who have experienced physical abuse, I sincerely apologize to you. I am sorry that someone was cruel enough to try and break your spirit, your heart and your strength. You are beyond strong because you survived something scary, unbelieveably torturous, and you came out of it. I am proud of you. I want to thank my abusers. Not for anything other then what you have provided me. You provided me with strength I never even knew I had. I want to remind everyone of something, the bruises, the cuts, they all go away at somepoint. Its the emotioinal aspect that stays with us down the road. But, even the emotional “baggage” makes us stronger, more fierce, and loveable. We are proof that people are a lot stronger than we think. We are NOT VICTIMS, and unfortunately sometimes we are looked at like a victim because of how sad the story may be. But, a victim backs down, doesn’t fight for themselves, you did! Remember that, and you still are fighting.

There’s one night I have accepted and thank this person for doing what they did. A “father”, a “parent” struck me. He was violent, sexual, and just plain mean. But, I thank you for being who you are, because I learned what a true parent is supposed to be like. I learned that when I become a mother I will never, could never strike my child. Granted, I wasn’t your child but I am someone’s child, daughter and because of you I had an entirely new view of a parent. So I thank you for being who you are. I now know who I don’t want to be or become.

To the person reading this, I want you to be proud of yourself, you did it. You are safe, you are breathing and in some small way you are healing. I am proud of you and I am glad you are here to read this. I know first hand how frightening it is, how lonely this process is. I know you are questioning your worth, or why this happened to you. What could you have done or said to make someone be so rotten to you? The answer? NOTHING! You did nothing wrong, and I even struggle to this day with those questions so you are not alone. At some point I hope you have the strength to thank your past for creating this new person you have become, the new strong, independent, and fearless person striving for greatness. Just know you are loved, you are more than you feel right now.

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